The Emotional Vampire

I know - it's been epic forever since I wrote in here.  I have no excuses.  It wasn't a priority -- don't take it personally little bambinos.

But, here I am.  Today is a new day.  I'll try to make an effort on a go-forward basis to do a couple of 'real' entries per week.  Maybe I'll pick a couple of standard days; like Wednesdays and Fridays.

I said maybe.

Today I wanted to talk to you about purging -- in a metaphysical sense.  Are you ready?  Are you comfy?

Need a second to turn off the TV?

Go ahead.  I'll Wait.

[elapsed time]

Ok.  So we all know that expression, "You're only as strong as your weakest link", right? 

Good.

I want to talk to you about determining weakness -- specifically in your immediate circle.  If you want to make it in this industry it takes the faith and prowess (is that even the right word?) of a demi-god. 

I'm not exaggerating.

So take a second to look around and really see just who you have  to cheer you on.  I know, it's icky and rides very near to social Darwinism -- but it's not.

I repeat: NOT SOCIAL DARWINISM.

I'm not talking about ignoring people or excluding them based on their level of success -- so don't you dare walk into your writers' group tonight and act like a [expletive] jerk off.  I'm talking about taking an honest inventory of the people you have chosen to surround yourself with.

The reason I say this is because the wrong people will suck you dry.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have lamo friends who don't really support you; get jealous and/or passive aggressive when you have any success -- then you need to dump them.  IMMEDIATELY.

Seriously, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

"But Karen, my parent's don't support me!"

I know - this is a tricky one.  Particularly because we've all (I'm assuming) wanted to extricate ourselves from our Parents at one time or another for one reason or another -- and so my answer to you is this:  Tell them how you feel, how you want their support and that you can't take any more negativity.  If they hold that against you then maybe it's an opportunity for you to really spread your wings for a while.

I just don't have a clear answer as every relationship is different.  BUT --

I can tell you that 'friends' are expendable.  Especially the ones that aren't actually a friend.

How to tell if someone is not actually a friend:

1.   They're a flake.
2.   Their word means nothing.
3.   They don't really root for you.
4.   They make you really angry with their behaviour.
5.   You feel drained when you're around them.
6.   You don't respect them.
7.   You cringe when the phone rings and you know it's them!
8.   It's all about them.
9.   They always disappoint you/are unreliable
10. You fear they suffer from multiple personality disorder and/or some sort of hidden drug problem that alters their moods

OK -  I was exaggerating on the last one -- but if you have anyone like this in your life I would highly suggest you step away from the mess as best you can.

Ooh - I just remembered one:

11.  They are extremely negative.


Here's the thing.  What we welcome into our lives attracts more like it.  So if you're inviting people into your life who bring you down or drain you -- then essentially, you're telling the universe that you don't really have any respect for yourself.

I don't care if you've known them for a gagillion years and have all the same friends -- you're still sending the universe the same message. 

Will it be easy? 

Hell no!

Will your life become better as a result of it?

Hell yes!

Try it for one week -- and if I'm wrong you can rant below.  But I think we both know that I'm right on this one.

Sorry.

One of the greatest things I ever chose to do in my career/life was limit my interactions and associations with emotional vampires.

Cool metaphor right?

It's true.  I waived the garlic, grabbed the wooden stake and before a few hours had passed; I could breathe again.  I had energy, inspiration, and more confidence in myself, etc, etc.

So: over the next few days start to take an inventory as to what type of people you have in your life.   Really listen to what people are saying.  Really pay attention to how you feel about yourself when you're around them.

Once you know who your vampires are you need to put on your big girl panties (guys, this means you too) and do the adult thing:  tell them to hit the curb.

Do it.  I dare you.  You won't be disappointed.  You may even be pleasantly surprised.  Once you take out the trash you'll find that you've opened a space for more positive people and interactions to flow in.

And now, a little song for those who have done so already:

(Gold star muchachas!  You're on your way...)